I've always found it funny that Free Willy was this endearing family film about a killer whale.  I mean, they don't call them "killer" whales for nothing.  Apparently, one YouTuber felt the same way and, through the power of video editing, shows us how Free Willy should have been: a horror movie.

Being that I studied video editing as my major in college, I've always enjoyed seeing fans re-edit movies in order to create their own stories.  Truly, a film's story comes together in the editing room, regardless of what the script may be.  This new Free Willy video is a prime example of that.  It does a good job of taking the film's existing footage and crafting a trailer with a horror twist.

It's done incredibly well and if you've seen Free Willy (admit it, we all have) it's hard to not laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.  Strangely, I really want to see this as a full film too but I highly doubt that possibility.  This video may already have ruined some childhoods.

-Jordan

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Scooby-Doo will not die. Despite an instantly-stale formula endlessly repeated, thin-at-best supporting characters, and a horrendous speech impediment, that freakin’ dog just won’t stay canceled. Cartoon Network just started yet another Scooby-Doo series, and watching it made me notice two things about its eponymous star. 

Number one: he’s just a less articulate, clumsier version of Shaggy. Number two: he’s absolutely useless at solving mysteries. To drive the point home, here are some notable canines who are much better detectives.

Ace the Bat-Hound

Is it silly for a superhero to have a dog sidekick? Yes. Is it silly for that dog to have a secret identity? God, yes. But what Bat-Hound lacks in dignity, he makes up for in ass-kicking. Hell, Scooby-Doo freaks out at old men in rubber masks. He’s no match for a dog willing and able to maul the Joker.

Poochinski

Why is Poochinksi a superior detective? Training, pure and simple. He’s a professional detective with years of experience and a deep-seated love of justice. Or, to put it in his own words: “I’M A COP!”

McGruff

Similarly, McGruff the Crime Dog, as a longstanding member of the police department, has a wealth of crime-fighting resources at his disposal that a Great Dane who hangs around with a bunch of teenagers simply can’t match. Forensic science, manpower, and weaponry are just a few of the tools that McGruff can bring to bear on his cases. Plus, he apparently bites people he catches, and that presumably hurts a lot.

Scrappy-Doo

Yes, Scooby-Doo’s little nephew that everyone hates is actually the better detective. He may have an annoying voice, annoying catchphrase and annoying inferiority complex, but at least he actually tries to solve mysteries. When Shaggy and Scooby are separated from their human friends, Scrappy is usually the only one who keeps them from curling up in the fetal position and crying until the “monster” goes away. When you’re working with Scooby-Doo, any attitude other than pure cowardice automatically makes you an action hero.

Slylock Fox

Okay, technically he’s not a dog, but still a canine. And the mysteries he solves are generally pretty minor, befitting a Sunday newspaper comic strip. But you know what Slylock Fox does that Scooby-Doo doesn’t? Engage in deductive reasoning. You know what detectives call that? Being a detective.

Pretty much any bloodhound

To be fair, Scooby-Doo does occasionally track people by scent, as bloodhounds have for freakin’ centuries. And he has an edge over a bloodhound in that he can talk. Sort of. But consider this: bloodhounds can communicate pretty well what they’re thinking as it is. And they don’t run the hell away when they find what they’re tracking. Plus, bloodhounds have a much, much cooler name. Advantage: actual dog.

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With the US Open 2010 right around the corner, it seemed appropriate to highlight one of the most attractive players in the tournament. With the recent news that Serena Williams will not be participating in this year’s Open due to foot surgery, the chances of Maria Sharapova winning the entire thing have definitely skyrocketed. And you know what that means . . . . more TV time for the beautiful racket swinger! In any case, here are some steaming hot pictures of Maria to hold you over until the tournament starts.

Maybe it’s just me, but I have a soft spot for beautiful, sweaty women, and Maria definitely fits that category. There’s something about kissing an athlete, and tasting the salt in her sweat that really gets my blood pumping . . . Okay, that sounded a lot grosser than it was suppose to.

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Are you fleeing from deadly pursuers? Trying to catch a band of escaping thieves in their getaway car? Playing a spirited game of “Who’s the most reckless?” If so, close your laptop right now and focus on the road, you’ll get somebody killed! But if you plan on doing any of those things in the near future, here’s a handy guide to getting the most out of your thrilling car chase.

DON’T aim for pedestrians

While speeding down the street, you may find yourself tempted to use some of the nearby people as target practice. Restrain yourself. There is no governing body that rewards points for vehicular homicide (yet), and it instantly makes you the bad guy. Unless you want to be the bad guy, in which case go nuts.

DO try to hit freestanding carts

Since hitting people is out of the question, why not take out your rage on the next best thing: their stuff! Hot dog vendors, ice cream vendors, those fruit carts that don’t seem to exist in real life - every one is an opportunity to clutter up the road for your pursuer, hear some entertaining profanity, or express your contempt for the hard-working urban poor (the latter is best accomplished via a Hummer or limousine or some similar symbol of vehicular narcissism). Tip: avoid the carts of dynamite salesmen.

DO shoot out the window at your adversary

Does shooting a gun at someone out of a moving vehicle on a bumpy road with any kind of accuracy work? No. Does it look cool? Sweet Lord, yes. The real question is, which is more important to you?

DO challenge yourself

Sure, anybody can race along a flat stretch of road, dragging with the hepcats and driving their pappies to drinkin’. It takes a real car chase enthusiast to tear through windy, bumpy streets and not die. What I’m basically saying is that if you’re not driving through San Francisco or along the New York subway system, you’re wussing out.

DON’T rely on fancy gadgets

Granted, tricking out your car looks cool and can come in handy in a tight spot, but what it really says is that you don’t trust yourself or your car to get things done. Oil slicks, caltrops, and other wacky devices are really a rookie’s toys. A serious adversary will know how to get around them, and you’ll probably find yourself driving into a mirror or something similarly stupid. Keep it clean and keep it classic.

DON’T drive drunk

Unless, and this is important, your opponent is also drunk. One drunk driver is an accident waiting to happen. Two drunk drivers chasing one another is hilarity waiting to happen.

DO try to make that jump

C’mon, you can do it!

 
 
Heeeeeee’s baaaaackk! Surprised? Shouldn’t be. As stated before, it’s become somewhat of an expectancy for Brett Favre to teeter-tot with the ideas of playing in the NFL, and retiring . . . and rightfully so. This will be year 20 in his NFL career, and I’ve compiled a small collection of some of Brett’s most stunning “days on the job.” Re-witness some of the spectacular plays that Brett has orchestrated throughout his career.

 

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For the past three summers, he has been the name on the tip of everyone’s tongue. He’s like a 1-up loop for every member of the sports media community. Just when you think he’s out of the news for good, he comes right back and makes waves with what seems to be a simple flick of his wrist. He sits there with a flower in his hand  and picks it apart petal by petal: “I’m coming back...I’m retiring...I’m coming back...I’m retiring...” And after three years...most of us are absolutely beyond tired of it. However, that isn’t going to stop us from reliving all of the craziness that has started what is now known as “The Brett Favre Saga.”

A Tearful Goodbye...

While the idea of Brett Favre retiring originated in 2007, Brett formally decided to retire in front of the media on March 4, 2008 after 17 seasons in the NFL, 16 with the Green Bay Packers. This decision was emphatically driven home by him being brought to tears about his time in the NFL. His decision, in his mind, was due to him not really wanting to play, although he still thought he COULD play in the NFL. So even in explaining him leaving, Favre decided to throw that train of thought in there. Aaaaaaaaaaaand cue the first Summer of Brett.

Brett Completely Forgets March 4th Existed

In July of that year, Brett made contact with the Packers about coming back to play with the team in 2008. Nevermind the fact that Green Bay had moved forward with Brett’s heir, Aaron Rodgers. After asking for his unconditional release, the Packers did not grant his request, and Brett was sitting in limbo with the team he became a legend with. In his infamous interview with Greta van Sustren, he admitted that he wasn’t full committed to retiring, clearly stating that he indeed has a problem with commitment. 

However, he said that he was “pressured” by the Packers into retiring, and that his decision was made based on thoughts that weren’t fully realized. After applying and being granted reinstatement by the NFL, Favre traveled to Packers training camp, was told by Green Bay that the relationship between the Packers and Favre was not working out, and Green Bay broke up with Favre, sending him to the New York Jets.

Wait, I Really Mean It This Time...

In February of 2009, Brett let the Jets know that he was going to retire, and the Jets formally released Brett from the remainder of his contract after the NFL Draft in April. The Jets then took him off the retired list to completely rid themselves of Brett. This would turn out to be the smartest thing that any team in this story would do.

...PSYCH!!!!!

When word got out that Brett was having a procedure done on his right bicep (which he injured in Week 12 of the season and neglected to tell the Jets about, leading to a horrible end to his season and a $125,000 fine for not reporting the injury), the speculation began again. Was he getting ready for yet ANOTHER comeback? But with who? Who, I ask? WHOOOO????

This Man Looks Like A Pedophile

Well, considering that the Packers were looking to file tampering charges with Minnesota head coach Brad Childress and the Vikings in 2008 before the whole Jets debacle went down, it was no surprise that Minnesota was first in line for Brett’s services, considering they just had a season in which Tavaris Jackson got the majority of the snaps. This is where the courtship of Brett took a sickening twist.

Brett would tell the media he had contemplated coming back, specifically with Minnesota in June. In July, when Minnesota prepared for training camp, Brett informed them he was staying retired. Of course, nobody believed it. And they were right in doing so. Because on August 18, it was reported that Brett was going to sign with the Vikings pending a physical, which he passed.

Why Even Do It?

Why would Brett go through all of that? Well, if you believe everyone who would tell you, it was because he was getting older, he didn’t want to go through the rigors of training camp, electing instead to join the team deep into the preseason so that he wouldn’t have to be so beat up going into the regular season. However, instead of doing that, the man who loves being in front of a camera, loves being the hero, loves being a man at the center of attention and loves manipulating things so that he can do things his way, decided it would be better to string the media along, filling up dead times of SportsCenter that could, you know, be used for other sports.

Third Time’s A Charm

After taking the Vikings to the brink of the Super Bowl (complete with bonehead Favre’s game-changing interception), Brett was a little bit more reserved in his decision making to play a 20th season. After hurting his ankle in the NFC Title game the year before, Brett saw renowned surgeon Dr. James Andrews and was told that the ankle needed surgery if he wanted to play again. So, the choice for Brett was simple: If the ankle felt good after surgery, he’s in.

This is when the media turned into Brett Favre hounds. Instead of spreading out the football coverage to the other teams that, you know, had compelling stories of their own, once mini-camps, OTAs and training camp started, the only story on anyone’s mind (mostly at ESPN) was Brett. Brett this, Brett that. And this is with Brett not doing a thing! But then...you saw it starting up again. Talks from Brett’s agent about him wanting the decision to be made already. Media getting antsy that no decision has been made. 

So finally, Brett told everyone that he was going to get his ankle checked out. But that didn’t stop NBC from running a story two weeks ago that Brett was coming back anyway. NBC ended up looking like Nostradamus, however, as on Wednesday, it was formally announced by Brett himself that he practiced with the team earlier in the day an that he officially was back with the team on Tuesday night.

Dare We Have a FOURTH Summer of Brett?

Honestly, at this point, it’s not even worth it to speculate what next season will bring, because in the world of Brett Favre, the media marches to the beat of his drum. He is the Pied Piper leading them around with his flute, and he’s getting the attention he needs. Hell, on Thursday, it was reported that he and coach Brad Childress were at odds...and Childress wanted Brett more than any member of the Vikings organization! At this point, you can’t say what will happen next summer with Brett.

However, that won’t stop us from reporting it. Because really (and sadly), what else are we supposed to do?

I'm a very devoted fan.  I'm a massive Star Wars nerd and I've been a follower of Lucas' ever since I can remember.  Despite some poor decisions on his part, I've never wavered from my belief that Star Wars is George's universe, his word on those matters is law, and that he knows what's best for the franchise.  However, after two decades, something may have finally shaken that belief.

I've fought tooth and nail on the Internet against the people who claimed "the prequels/special editions ruined [their] childhood".  I think it's a ridiculous statement.  For me, Star Wars is Star Wars, and I'm just happy that it's around.  Being a filmmaker, I understand and support many of the decisions Lucas has made with his franchise.  To be honest though, I've never been quite happy with The Clone Wars.  I just haven't been able to get behind the cartoon show, but I do watch it regularly.

One of the problems with the show is that it changes what many fans have accepted as facts in the Star Wars universe.  While these facts have mostly come from the novels, they have been shaping fans' perceptions for years.  The long-established Mandalorian back-story was thoroughly rewritten, and caused quite a bit of fan disgruntlement.  Again, during these small transgressions, I remained aloof.  I may not like it, but it doesn't change the fun stories I've read, nor does it ruin the series.

However, something new has been revealed (at Celebration V) that has caused me some distress.  Darth Maul's brother, Savage Oppress, will be featured in Season 3 of The Clone Wars.  This hurts me.  Maul has been my favorite character of the entire saga, and the primary focus of my collection (if it has Darth Maul on it, I have it at my house).  Adding a brother and totally rewriting his back-story just seems a tad ridiculous.

I will say the newly released trailer gives me some hope that it won't be as bad 

Star Wars is known for convenient events.  Everyone knows that in Star Wars, no one is dead unless you see their body, and it's one of the few films that can get away with it.  They also get away with quite a few other cliches, but this just seems like too much.  I confess, at first, I was so excited about this I could barely contain myself.  After some thought, it seems preposterous and more than unlikely.  The story goes that Asajj Ventress comes from a planet dominated by women.  Of the men there, Darth Maul was chosen by Palpatine to be his evil apprentice.  So wait...Now there's a planet of evil/powerful warriors that haven't been dealt with before?

I'm all for willing suspension of disbelief, but even I'm having a hard time with this one.  Does it change my status as a fan?  Absolutely not.  I'm sure I'll be buried in a coffin painted up like an X-Wing, but this has caused me to wonder if Star Wars is still heading in a positive direction.  At the very least it'll give me some cool new toys to pick up, and hopefully we'll get a Darth Maul flashback in the series.  Who knows, after so many years of fans clamoring for Maul's return, maybe this is the compromise we get from Lucas.  Until the new season airs, I'm taking the news with some reservations.

-Jordan

Remember that cute little fat kid that had his own MTV show, Andy Milonakis? He originally became well known for his Super Bowl rap. Well after his show and appearing in a few movies, he hooked up with rapper Lil B and is now a hardcore rapper. No, I’m not $hitting you, either.

Apparently, since his show got canceled and the world moved on without him, he’s been rapping and making diss records. Kanye is just one of the many rappers called out in his videos. Since he’s all grown up he’s taken a liking to dangerous rappers, being a thug and smoking. Eventually, he hooked up with Lil B from The Pack, a rap group out of Berkeley, California.

Though he isn’t the best rapper out there, he certainly isn’t the worst, and his lyrics are pretty funny.  This video is actually pretty solid and a nice surprise, though not to be taken seriously.  It’s a shame he didn’t just stick to TV instead; he was a lot funnier on his show than he is when he spits warm fire. 

Suppose you were one of the Seven Dwarfs. And suppose that your mine contained not diamonds but instead Fairy Tale Movies. And suppose further that you discovered that as you dug deeper, the ore decreased in quality and produced less usable material. You would close up the mine and dig for something else, right? Well, congratulations. You, a rural, uneducated proto-Hobbit, are smarter than some movie studios. Here are some reasons why everyone needs to get off the Brothers Grimm gravy train, and fast.

1. It risks pigeonholing animation

Walt Disney handed the film world their asses on a platter with the success of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, proving that animated feature films were a viable medium. Seventy years later, Disney triumphantly returned to cel animation with . . . a movie loosely based on the Frog Prince story. Next up: Rapunzel. If animation stands any chance of being recognized in America as entertainment for adults, filmmakers are going to have to stop relying on stories most often associated with little kids.

2. The joke is played out

Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if we took all these fairy tale characters and made them act like real people, and annoy each other? Yes, it would if people hadn’t been making that joke for the better part of the 20th century. Sure, the first Shrek added the idea of having all the characters (and Pinocchio, who’s from a novel, not a fairy tale, dammit) inhabit the same space, but it’s been diminishing returns from then on. When your joke has been scooped by, among many many others, Tex Avery and Rocky and Bullwinkle, it’s time to move on.  

3. There are so many other options to choose from

If there’s one thing Hollywood has in abundance, it’s people with interesting ideas. If there’s one thing it lacks, it’s people who will listen to them. Pixar (and to a lesser extent Dreamworks) has proven that animated films can be huge successes without relying on a known story or property. And even if a paranoid executive thinks people won’t go to movies if they don’t know the story already, there’s tons of good children’s books to choose from that haven’t been filmed a million times already: L. Frank Baum’s Wizard of Oz sequels. The Life & Times of Scrooge McDuck. Hell, I’d kill for a good Phantom Tollbooth adaptation. There’s no need to rehash the same material over and over again.

4. Thin subject matter

Another problem with relying on material everyone already knows: everyone already knows it. That means there won’t be that many surprises along the way, and directors are tempted to compensate with filler and background shenanigans to keep people interested while they wait for the big plot points. So kids get treated to fart jokes and endless visual stimulation, and adults get handed weak, instantly dated pop culture references. I’m not saying this happens in every kids’ movie, or just films based on fairy tales. It’s a bad trend in general. But a well-known story may tip the balance in favor of such pointless wheel-spinning.

5. People assume kids are idiots

I suspect this is a reason studios lean so hard on the fairy tale model. If you don’t think your audience is very smart, you’re not going to bother making a smart movie. So you just take something everyone already knows, add the aforementioned fart jokes, and you’re done. But just because someone is an idiot (and let’s face it, a lot of kids are idiots) doesn’t mean you have to treat them like one. Hell, look at Pixar again. Toy Story 3 featured an homage to prison-break movies, the heartbreak of aging, questions of loyalty and a bunch of children’s toys confronting their own mortality, and it still made, if I’m calculating right, all the money in the world. The bottom line is that creative people can generally be trusted to make creations that are worthwhile in their own right, and they should be given the chance rather than shackled to convention. Hmm, it’s almost as if this fairy tale thing is more symptomatic of a larger issue than a problem of its own.

Nah.

 
Are you ready for some foooootttbbbaalllll? That’s right, the season is FINALLY upon us, and it sounds like I’m not the only one excited about it. Last weekend, the Hall of Fame exhibition game featuring the Dallas Cowboys and Cincinnati Bengals received the highest televised ratings for an exhibition game in 6 years. That’s shocking, since no one typically cares about preseason affairs, including training camps. But, throughout this year's NFL training camp, there have been some entertaining reports published. And by entertaining, I mean drama.

Here are a few examples that showcase just how interesting it's been:

Contract hold outs

Someone needs to explain to me how a person can casually decide to void a legal contract and demand more money than the contract specifies. Such was/is the case with New York Jets cornerback Darelle Revis, and Tennessee Titans runningback Chris Johnson. It’s like a one man strike. If a normal person tried to pull of something like this at his job, he would be dismissed faster than Lebron James at a Cleveland nightclub. 

Oakland Raiders are looking good!

It’s been years since the infamous minions of Al Davis have done anything productive. Usually, there are so many black shirts, jerseys, and hats at Raiders home games that people refer to it as the black hole. However, this team has “sucked” so bad, that name should be taken literally. But apparently the acquisition of proven quarterback Jason Campbell, and release of poisonous quarterback JaMarcus (sipping on syrup) Russell, has not only lifted the spirit of the team, but also their credibility to compete at a high level. Now all they have to do is get the micromanaging Al Davis to retire. I mean, when your best friend in high school was Christopher Columbus, you’re probably too old to run a NFL franchise . . . just saying.

Denver Bronco’s Tim Tebow... and his fugly haircut

Hazing at its best. This picture doesn’t even really need words... just continue to look with confusion. 

Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant

On the flip side of the Broncos' great hazing of Tebow, there’s Dez Bryant who completely disregarded tradition by refusing to carry a fellow veteran teammate’s pads. I’m not saying I would be thrilled to carry someone else’s sweaty, 300-lb. set of pads either, but why would you want to potentially stir up conflict over this? Congratulations Dez, you just made yourself the biggest prank target in the locker room.
 

Albert Haynesworth

What a character. One, he tries to dictate to his coaches by telling them what defensive style he wants the team to play, even though he had the worst season of his career just last year in that exact playing style. Two, he loses 32 lbs. in the off-season to help him with his conditioning,  and three, even after the weight loss he still can’t finish a 300 yard sprint in a given time. How is he the highest paid player at his position?

New Donovan McNabb jersey

Some guy decided to wear a Donovan McNabb (who is now playing for the Washington Redskins) jersey to a Philadelphia Eagles practice. Even though there were no hard feelings after McNabb was traded from Philly to Washington (which are rival teams), I personally wouldn’t have the audacity to wear the new jersey in the place he called home for many years. But this guy did, and consequently was forced to remove the jersey once security spotted him. Some actually say it was the coach that demanded the jersey removal, which would be awesome if it were true. Though, not as awesome as a crowd of angry Cleveland Cavalier fans daunting this guy for wearing a new Lebron jersey.
 

Only a few more weeks until the actual season starts, but it’s always fun to keep up with the side stories in the NFL. It’s almost as satisfying as watching an episode of As the World turns, minus the cheesy camera angles and gruesome background music. Wait, did I just mention that I watched a soap opera? Yeah . . . let’s ignore that last comment.

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